Monday, May 21, 2007

Fear & Anxiety: Can I really do this?

I have been having bad dreams. Not nightmares, per se, but just unpleasant dreams. The dreams have been about beginning my position as a full-time English teacher next fall. I do not know why I have so much anxiety about starting this position. I feel that although I have much room to grow in my journey towards excellent teaching, I have done a good job this year in my student teaching. I guess deep down, I fear that I will be inadequate. Teaching is such a huge responsibility. Am I up to the task? The people who hired me believe that this is so, but deep down I have serious reservations. How do I teach literature when I often struggle to make meaning out of the texts myself? How do I teach writing without expecting students to write in my own voice? How do I prepare over a hundred students to become productive members of society? I do not want to fail my students because in failing them, I fail myself.

1 comment:

mc said...

Don't even know if you still read this blog; in the event that you do, I wanted to respond to your most recent post for the sake of solidarity.

The nightmares and various scenarios that you are experiencing I think most of are experiencing as well. It comes and goes, something positive happens and then you get brightened, and then something negative happens and you are back at square one... It's a repeating cycle for all teachers, especially new ones.

I am extremely nervous about next and year, just in terms of sheer survivability; however, I am also hopeful that I will be surrounded by supportive people. That's the key.

Anyway, just wanted to express my solidarity with you and your plight.Good luck... MC